Scars in the Light
Just a few more days until I can read the display on my cell phone again! Sigh. Hey hey Koi! Hey hey! I dropped it on my way to class last Thursday. I didn't even nail the monologue. It was a very difficult day. To say I wasn't 'mentally focused' requires a roflmao - it was a PHEW kinda day. The PHEW was said at 5pm. That's all anyone is gettin' outta me. You can torture me if ya like but that's it!
As it is... time came to pass; keeping hidden within what was (un)known? Jaws, the famous film/book, has proven to us that scars are cool. Cool enough to build a scene around how uber cool scars really are. Of course the stories behind the scars make the impact, but the scars are cool nonetheless. The scene has been parodied by multiple movies. Scars. We love em. They're sexy. They're interesting. We're curious about their history.
In a strange twist of life, it always has a strange twist it seems, external scars are cool and the internal scars... WHOA! Don't even go there. "She's a little.. Ya know." or "He's been acting strange lately. We're not sure why. He'll be okay." or "He's full of baggage. I wouldn't even go near him." Etc. etc. etc. It goes on and on and on. Mental scars, what's the big deal? Aren't they similar? Aren't we all experiencing the same shite that our ancestors experienced with new toys? Broken hearts, lost loved ones, stress... That's a new one right? = P Ha. Stress has probably been around longer than anything else.
A good friend of mine is in the hospital presently. She is allowed visitors for ONE HOUR A DAY! Oh, and two ONE HOUR BLOCKS on the weekends! Hell, I'd go stir crazy. I get that way in my apartment when there isn't anything happening. Honestly I think the diagnosis is wrong which is keeping them from truly getting over their ailment. Sadly I have no impact on the situation. All I can do is be there for them.
While visiting them, BT, Emma, and I, found their company in great spirits. They were silly and fun – like normal. Surprisingly to us they pointed out new physical scars while trying to also speak about the mental scars. Humor finds its way into conversation during these times. We're (people) just not very good at seriousness. Even during the most serious conversation we'll throw in a lil joke here or a silly comment there to ease off of the gas – juuuuust in case. Just in case what I don't know, but just in case.
Scars. Our pains. The stuff that we love to read about, watch, listen to at high volumes. Hot DAMN we love other people's pain... Just as long as it doesn't affect your life. If that's the case – "Back the truck up Charlie. We don't want non-a-that around here."
I guess I wonder how many of us are truly willing to subject ourselves to our inner most fears and then, here's the kick in the ass with a U-Haul, share it with someone else. BOOM! Yea, that was the U-Haul kicking your ass. It's effin scary! BUT WHY!? We all have problems. It's more than a white lie to say "um, I guess." Actually it's a crock-o-shite. Some of us have pains that go back to our childhood still because we never really worked our way through it, talked about it, etc. Something along the line of mental healing.
Lately I've been backed against the wall whenever I tried to write. I know why now. It's not because I'm happy. It's not because things are going well with my friends. The fact of the matter is I'm not hiding anything within my bag-o-flesh. I got it all out. ALL of it. I feel so free because of it too. Any stress I have at the moment is work related so it will remain at work.
Hmm. Well, my Alien family (living in a can of Moon Dust) and I have heard the calling so I'm going to listen. Tempur time!
12-22-2004 12:41 am
I often enjoy a good mystery every now and then. My family tried a few times at X-Mas... Things didn't turn out how they'd planned. Somehow my grey juices figured out what they'd hoped I wouldn't figure out.
Score one for the gipper. Er, yea, for me.
Surprises can be even better.
I like playing with mysteries/surprises too. And I have one helluva surprise in store for me friends and fam. Heheh. Actually I have two but only one can be leaked before the end of '04.
Reactions. Definitely curious. Ever, ever so much.
Do do doo.
12-16-2004 12:01 am
And soon the semester will join me in a cheering "HooRAH! HooRAH!" Soon as in, heh, 3 days. Nice lil number 'tis - three.
I've done it! I've finally compiled all my music into one place digitally AND into one place physically! Happy happy joy joy! Sometimes I try to do too much in too short a time I think. Importing every CD was excessive but I think it will prove to be a nice distraction on long trips. )cough cough( Japan )cough cough(
4100 songs, 0 photos on the wee iPod photo with 10.5 GB available still. All songs were ripped in AAC coding using 224 kbps.
Ths funny thing about life is how a thought enters your mind and within a week, an hour, a few minutes you find that someone has already thought the thought and put your idea into practice. Life is GRRRRRRRReat in that way. As I mentioned above the time it took to rip my CDs was abundant. So I thought "A service to rip CDs would be a great idea..." BAM! http://www.ripdigital.com/ I wouldn't pay them for the 300+ CDs that I have but others appear to. Haha. Rock on ahead of me peeps. Nicely done.
Families are entertaining. Simply put, they are our "reality tv show" for a day (or more) during the holidays. This past Saturday one of the first things I heard from Emma's uncle was "Oh great! Now he'll think we're a bunch of a$$h0l35." In actuality I thought it was cool that four people arrived wearing hats that were Santa-like with a taste of a Russian influence. They weren't decked out in Santa outfits. Hmm, maybe I would have though him to be a... Haha. Nah. Anyone celebrating and having fun during the season deserves a smile of acknowledgment back. It's rough dishing out the energy only to have people snicker or snear back at you. WTF snickerers and snearers! Grr!
The day was great fun. Emma's rents were worried that I'd be bored or uncomfortable. BAH! Never! Well... I knew I wouldn't be uncomfortable there. I had that sixth sense thing. Shh! Don't tell anyone. Santa even got me something and dropped it off in NJ. HOW DOES HE KNOW! HOW!? Spidey every day for a year on my calendar. Thanks Santa! Domo domo domo. I even got to learn about some new techniques to focus on the "core". Her pop has been reading a great deal it appears. = ) All the better when a copy of the text lands in my lap. Bingo!
Why is it difficulty to write when happy thoughts are bouncing around in the mind? (rhetorical shitsumon desu!) I've sat in front of this screen trying to write out my thoughts but I sit and stare. Is this what happens when stress fades to the minimal side of life? (Refer to the previous parenthesis.) I don't mind it I t'ink. There is always some amount of tension or stress within. I guess I'll just have to SUFFER through this AWFUL time in me life. AWFUL! RETCHED! BLEEEEEEH! Ha. "Sideways" Must see "Sideways" before the weekend clobbers me on the head because RotK will have my attention for 4+ hours with many a folk on Saturdee. The latest invite list requires that I be there... Especially since I suggested it. YEA TEAM!
12-15-2004 01:50 am
Yosh! The (Japanese) Pop!
I finally heard back from "pop" and he's doing great! It looks as though he finally got out of the City Hall and into his own office! HOO HA! Congrats pop!
I'm so sorry I didn't emailed you back soon. I'm still in Asaka, not at the Board of Education, but Asaka Dai-ni JHS as a vice principal! I'm OK to see you here while you will be staying in Japan, so let me know your detail schedules. Don't hesitate to email me again.Keep in touch!
12-10-2004 06:29 pm
The other day I was at Lori's, Emma's friend, for a homemade vegan dinner. While the dinner was pretty tasty the dessert turned out to be extremely "WTF!!"
My recollection put the event within 10 minutes of me saying, loudly, across the table to Lori's dad, the fact that I don't drink. Emma said it as well. Lori's pop stopped what he was doing, attempting to get some alcohol for me to try, and sat down.
Dessert was served. "Yum!" I thought. Sorbet and homemade chocolate. Mmmm. WRONG. The sorbet was oki doke and the chocolate was mmm except for one thing... Lori's mom decided NOT to tell anyone that there was a small amount of alcohol in the mix. I said "no worries, it's cooked out." To which she replied, "Actually no. It wasn't cooked out."
My temperature rose and my interest in the evening became nonexistent. We soon left, with my new friend ñ a headache.
I don't understand how something so important can be overlooked so easily by anyone. What if someone was allergic, it went against their religion, or they just don't want to ingest the stuff. Needless to say I was much more than upset with her action. The kicker of it all is that she prepared these chocolates for a bake sale where kids would have bought them! She told us that nobody bought them... GOOD!
ARGH! She was completely inconsiderate. I didn't feel nauseous or ill in anyway instead I felt anger and frustration. Lesson learned. Next time I'm at someone's house where everything is homemade I'm asked what is in E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G. End of line.
12-07-2004 01:47 am
Having access to multiple Desktops has always been a key difference between Windows OS's and Linux Distros... Until today!
While searching around the windows.com site - there IS a first time for everything - I found "Microsoft PowerToys" Yes, yes, yes! Toys that help to clear up the ONE window your typically locked into with Windows. NO MORE! And even an improved Alt-Tab feature and Tweak-UI! Win9x'ers out there you know how useful this tool can be! Hum-dinger!
But wait there's more! Ever have a party and want a camera to snap shots every X seconds? Now you can! YES! Why aren't these "toys" built into XP?! M$?! WTF are you doing keeping these things from us? Oy!
The pic to the right is a shot of the "preview" window that displays all of the desktops. Yea, multitaskers out there want it. Oh yes.
And on the left is the newer Alt-Tab. Quite nice seeing which window you're selecting instead of hoping that you've chosen the correct one. It's a crap shoot hoping you get the right window when too many people IM you at the same time. This lil sucka shows you the window. Hot diggity!
A night of cleaning. Dun dun dunnnnnn It's... DOMESSSSTIC MAN! Prowling the rooms of his lair protecting himself and visitors from evil parasites, freakish dust bunnies, and piles of torment! He succeeds where many fail! DOMESSSSTIC MAN!
Feels damn good to have a clean(er) room. I'm not completely done - vacuum still needs to find its way out of the closet. Ahhh. Having a floor is nice. Having a floor to walk on is even better. Having a CLEAN floor to walk on... "WHOA, slow down there egg-head."
Oh, these great "toys" for WinXP can be found here: http://www.microsoft.com/windowsxp/downloads/powertoys/xppowertoys.mspx
Nearing Z-land time. Eyes starting to blur the screen. At least the desktop is nice. 0= ) It's a really NICE pix. Mmm. Yum. Thump.
12-04-2004 01:15 am
G! D! P and Z Indeed!
Back on 11/12/1997 I made my first payment of $200.00 for my college loans. On Wednesday, 11/30/2004 I made the last of my student loan payments. Today, 12/02/2004, the balance found its way to a place it'd never been before - in the negative (-0.14 to be exact).
I did it! I did it! I did it!
In just over seven years, which is a little more than a year longer than I'd planned, I did it. Gone! Done! Poof'd and Zap'd indeed! Heheheheh. Zee-row - Heh, what a great number.
It's finally sinking in... rei, zero, zilch, nothin'. = O Heheh.
I think I'm going to sit on me tempur, read some Sam Keith, and relish in the fact that I'm 100% in the . What a great place to be. Ahhh. If there was a weight on me it, along with nearly every other weight has been lifted. Financially I have NEVER been in a better position than I am at this moment. LOL - I'm far from wealthy but it feels GREAT to have ZERO debt. WOW man. None but my monthly bills. I don't owe you or you or YOU!
I think I do owe myself a little time of peace and gl33 so it's off to the tempur I go.
Which reminds me of something someone said to me on Sunday. Tom, Avenga's friend said, "You really do treat yourself." He's right. Nobody else is going. )Inner smile along with a happy sigh(
Hmm. I'm so glad I bought my Canon PowerShot S45 so many months ago. Digital video at the touch of a button. It's the WAY to go. Who'da thought it could provide such immediate gratification. All that's needed in a little light from the corner of the room and a steady hand to capture images that'll last a lifetime. Well, until the 0's and 1's go burp and find their way into the bucket next to the horse. Stupid 0's and 1's. 01100111011100100111010101101101011000100110110001100101
I'll save you the effort of finding a site to translate that: http://nickciske.com/tools/binary.php
12-03-2004 12:21 am