Tuesday, July 27, 2004
Otanjobi Wish

When I was told to make a wish at Dave & Busters by Maria and Ali I looked blankly at the candle as it flickered before me. The cake, looked delicious. The candle, wandered along the air stream. My mind, felt empty with naught a thought of what to wish for in my life.

After what felt like too many clicks of the clock I wished...

"I wish for my dad and Dziadz to find some form of reconciliation before something happens and there is no chance left for them to speak."

As the saying goes I can't tell anyone... But at least I've offered up a hope... My birthday wish.

07-27-2004 09:57 pm

Sunday, July 25, 2004
Took a Risk

Took a risk... It paid off... It's late... I'm tired... More later... ZONK

07-25-2004 11:53 pm

Wednesday, July 21, 2004
Inspiration Over Skim Milk - Part 1

The history of cookies.

One day a bag of cookies ended up on the shelf. This bag was happy. It even had some pretty decoration on it.

Pretty pretty pretty.

Then, one day, a man happened to walk by the pretty pretty pretty decoration. And stopped.

It was beautiful. Something so beautiful that only love could overpower its draw. Such bliss.


In white letters the pretty pretty pretty decoration called to him.

ìYes! Take me! Rip me free from my chains!î

With ease and as near a stillness of the air as possible the pretty pretty pretty decoration leapt into his hands and then nuzzled itself happily into his back pocket. It was so much safer here than on that evil bag it cried out.

The bag of cookies was cold now. It was visibly shaken. Where would it go and who would protect it? The man saw the pain in the bag and carefully removed it from the cold lifeless shelf.

A union was formed! Though little did the pretty pretty pretty decoration know this union would be its doom.

End of Part One

07-21-2004 11:30 pm

Monday, July 19, 2004
Ugh ISP Ugh!

It very much sucks when the ISP can't get the connection restored in 15+ hours with a up time of "WE DON'T KNOW". Sigh.

07-19-2004 12:39 am

Weekend Dreaming!

I remembered some oddly entertaining dreams I did! Happy me. It was a night of dreams since I slept from about 7:30 PM Friday eve until 9:00 AM Saturday morning. YES! I needed sleep and sleep I found.

Part One

First up is a brief description of a strange freaky dream. I remember dark hallways and lots of fear. Except, I wasn't afraid, everyone else was. I was just a figment of a person in my dream. I held no real existence in this scenario. I was almost like a camera following around the action from room to room. The military personnel were terrified of something. Everyone was dying and nobody knew how! Randomly someone would be ripped from the group yet nothing was there! Shots were fired into the direction near the soldier and found nothing to contact. Air?! A ghost even?

After some time a group of 2 remained so I followed them slowly through the maze of rooms covered in blood and random remains of their former friends. Someone lit a match. One of them knocked the light out of the others hand and gave a hideous look warning that anything bright could warn their attacker of their present location. Not to be scolded like a child the first lite another match while the second watched. A flickering shadow revealed itself on the wall behind the first soldier as the match waved in the breeze.

Noticing this the second soldier thought almost as fast as a computer and pulled out a pulse light and hit the on switch. The next group of events took place so quickly. The first soldier dropped the match, turned, and along with his friend saw a monstrous beast standing just yards from them. The beast didn't move though. It almost appeared to be waiting for them to do something. Realizing that they had a brief advantage of time, they turned and ran as quickly to the door at the end of the hallway. As they approached the door the soldier that lite the match grabbed his own pulse light, turned it on, and turned to see if they were being followed. They were. It was literally standing over him.

The other soldier was through the door and beckoned to him to follow but saw the he was not moving. Instead all he saw were two hand signals from the other soldiers back indicating 'run' & 'reinforcement'. The door slammed shut with the sound of a scream instead of a clunk. The base was instantly locked down by the last remaining soldier as he then began his call for help along with the information describing how to locate the beat and a thought on how to kill it as well.

Part Two

On deck was a dream about a hat! My NEW hat! I was racing on an oval dirt track! Vroooooooom! Cruisin along on my bike. I don't recall if it was BMX or a Mountain Bike but I was COOKIN'! Ahead of the pack and ready to take the win... except something stopped me. A gust of wind blew the hat off my head behind me. I looked left and thought "OH NO! NOT THE NEW HAT I JUST BOUGHT IT!" As if prepared to answer me a voice spoke out instantly and calmly "Don't worry, finish the race. You're almost there." I glanced to my right and saw someone sneaking up on me fast.

Ahead I looked and saw someone ahead of me somehow, too far ahead to catch now. I looked right again and there it was. The hat! Under the wheel of the rider next to me. I grabbed it as easily as if it were hovering next to me. I looked at it and felt a sigh of relief that only a small portion of it had been covered in the dirt despite the fact that it was somehow stuck to the front tire of the rider next to me. I pushed forward and finished, somehow, in second place. HOORAY!


I was awake. Confused. But I had my hat.

It was a weekend of R.E.M. and conversations. Old Junior High School friends (Angela Mento), and especially a best friend (BT). I miss his company dearly. If only I could find a way, a job, something that would help his career, or even his pockets so that he could be nearer the city that will undoubtedly launch his career into the stratosphere (where it rightly belongs). Hmm... I'll have to think on that.

Last few thoughts... B5 is absolutely amazing... except for Season One and much of Season Two. Season Three kicks off with a BANG and won't let up for 22 episodes. I'm very excited. Teeheehee! Sometimes the sky is clear, sometimes... it's violet. Sometimes the phone rings and a beginning to an understanding begins.

I remember my first conversation with Clovis at T.P.U. when I lived next door to him during the summer training sessions... "I'll get you to drink before the end of September." Ahh, September. Well, he may have succeeded, but H2O doesn't count and since this was September of '93 I think he failed. I haven't revisited my views and ideas of drinking in sometime but I did have a wonderful conversation with Sky the other night about it. It ranged from exploring the creative side of one's mind, to taste, to a simple buzz, to safety, to choice, to fear, to birthdays. I enjoyed it greatly.

Now, since my ISP hasn't been able to get my connection fixed ALL DAY I'm going to post this and then read myself into sleep. Comics were in ABUNDANCE since I wasn't in CT for close to a month. This months Usagi Yojimbo was brilliant and Powers Volume 2 blasted out of the gates. The Pulse... WOW! So... now I have FF, various X-Men books, and a whole bunch of others waiting for my eyes and grey juices.

07-19-2004 12:37 am

Friday, July 16, 2004
13th Revisited

For posterity here's the list of people that wished me a happy bday! Yea me! Yea them!

Bday List


Ali - in person at 12:00
Renata (attractone XX in CA) - online
Mare - greeting card
Kevin, Honey, Dziadz - email from my .com
Brooke - AIM
Dad and Lin - called at 8:30ish
Mudda - called at 10:52
Tree - phone after mudda
Sujay (SLC student) - in person
Angelica & Molly (SLC coworkers - strippers) - in person
Maria - called me at work
Kerry (trainer at SLC) - in person
Kristy (vball coach at SLC) - in person
Brian - phone

Shannon - phone
Jacek - phone
Courtney Bergen - email

Lastly here's an email I sent to Ali and Maria after Shan finally called on the morning of the 15th.

And she happened to call today on my way to work. She apologized... barely. She even defended herself which means that she does feel guilty or at least wants me to "know why" she forgot to call. She said something like "Down here I don't know what day it is." Aparantly I came up in conversation yesterday which made her think of me... Wow, SOMETHING made her think of me. I wonder what that conversation was about.
I guess I'm even more diappointed now because after she apologized and wished me a happy belated I asked her... evil me... if she got my card. She said "Yea. I told you." 'No you didn't Shan. Maria and I were talking about it the other night and she said she didn't know if you got it either. ' "Oh. I thought I told you. The magnet is on the fridge. Thank you." One word --- weak.
After that the conversation went to, get this, "action". What does action mean? Her stage kiss with the (gay) male lead. SHE TALKED TO ME ABOUT KISSING SOMEONE, for a play granted, only minutes after she apologized for not calling me on my bday. Talk about selfish! UGH! She's scared of fish but I think she's got a marketing slogan read for her lined up in the aquatic world already.

15 second commercial for Shaah Non's Fishery
(Fade in)
Ever wonder where you could go to get the best seafood? Look. No more because nobody can come close to our service and prices!

CAMERA SHOTS zooming in/out on various aquatic life.

FEMALE ACCOUNCER (valley girl style) - V/O
So, like, come down to (heavy on the aah - as in yeaaa, right) Shaah Non's Market you'll find the freshest and healthiest fish f'r sure.

CAMERA SHOTS showing customers smiling on the way in and then running for their lives with their purchase on the way out screaming.

Insert address and logo
So stop on by because I SELL-FISH!

(Fade out)

After that she talked about how hard it was to kiss this dude and then said 'the dance coordinator, this other gay guy, said to the lead, this is how you do it... and started kissing me too. I was so flustered." I replied pretty harshish "Wow, it's been a long time since you kissed a gay guy. (Note - the majority of the men she's dated have 'come out' over the years. Kinda strange.
She FINALLY asked about my bday and OF COURSE I WANTED TO TALK ABOUT IT ALLLLLLL IN GREAT DETAIL. To quote Spike "Bugger that." I simply said I had cake and that lots of ppl I DIDN'T EXPECT to hear from stopped by and said happy b-day (yea, nicely inserted dig and sadly I don't think she even got it). At that point I arrived to work but she said "I've got to go cause my service will drop when I walk through these doors (at work)." I hung up and started working. At least I know now. Next week is going to HORRIFY her. I want her to feel like the dirt under my shoe when she sees me after the show. (WOW HUH! Harsh!) Pretty awful image I think. I want her to beg for forgivness so that she can see how petty she's been and how selfish she has become.
As we all know... She really screwed up. I'm not the martyr anymore though so it's full steam ahead to today. What a wonderful place -- today. I'm glad I can take part in it. = D

Oki... enough posted above. Note to self - If more comes up in me brain I'll add it later.

07-16-2004 10:18 am

Wednesday, July 14, 2004

Success (in Klingon)! Qapla' is pronounced in this way "kap-LA!"

What success am I speaking of? Well, I Made it Through Another Year! I did it and I have to say it was ONE HELL OF A YEAR! Almost punctually my new year starts with an assortment of new things though one takes up more time than any other - my 9-5. Since I'm pretty much in charge of it all at work. Of course many other things have happened and I'd be remiss to say events during the past year haven't affected me in substantial ways.

Just as I mentioned work above, I've mentioned most of my ups and downs already. Now. Now in this moment I choose to reflect on one thing - yesterday. My B-Day!

Throughout the day from the first minute through the day and even into the evening I was acknowledged by friends, co-workers, strangers, and of course mi mudda at 10:53 AM. She hit the nail on the head this year. And with the cell phone too. Mudda has made a monumental leap forward technologically over the past year. Yea Mudda!

I was interrupted at one point during the day by two co-workers while I was working on a Radmind configuration on a client machine (a most excellent OS X distribution tool - radmind.org) by the term "strippers". "We're scheduled to be here to strip for Gary. We're kind of new though so where should we set up?" My reply? "Well, we might as stick with the theme of the office so you can dance on top of this printer and you can strip on that printer." They're very large printers mind you. After that they asked each other what to start with... a belt? "I was going to start with my pants." replied one. To which the reply was "Oh, I was going to start with my belt." Ah... It's great having a Y chromosome. = D Ha cha cha! Happily everyone involved felt comfortable with all the innuendoes so going in to work today was easy as pie. And the best thing about pie... I like pie!

In the evening Emma and Avenga took me to Dave and Busters for a late night snack... er, well, for me it was a snack. They both tore into some nacho like thing with either lots of bean, lots of guacamole or none of either. I was in a happy go lucky mood so I was a bit giddy and passed all that fun energy on to as many people as I could. Avenga lost it JUST before the cake with my candle was put on the table. BWAAAHAHAH! I struck at the heart of her laughter! All the while Emma was happy go lucky with her $2.50 cent (25 cents of cranberry juice not included in the price) Cranberry Vodka thing. YES! I know my drinks!

A question unanswered last night was this: "What other shelf levels are there? Well, Top, and?"

Edukashun time kidez!

Well Drinks
"The well", or "rail" is the speed rack that the drinks are poured from. It is what the bar stocks to make most of their drinks, and kept handy for the bartender. It isn't what you see on display behind the bar. It is cheaper because it is bought in bulk, doesn't have a fancy bottle, and has probably never had an advertising campaign. It isn't necessarily inferior, but you are not getting the best of spirits either. If you are ordering a cocktail with a soft drink or juices, chances are you won't notice the difference in taste.

Call Drinks
From the "well", we step up to a "call" drink. This simply means that you name your spirit of choice. A Tanqueray and Tonic is a good example, however at some bars, this may be considered their "top shelf", but at others it may be the well. It just depends on where you hang out.

Premium Drinks
Premium is the same as "top shelf". It is the best the bar has to offer. This is what you would order most likely for a straight drink, as an example, a Grey Goose Martini. Included are your single malts, some reserves, single barrel bourbons, and extensively filtered vodkas. Be prepared to pay.

Reserve Drinks
From "top shelf", some bars hold ultra premium stuff. This is rare or vintage. Take out a second mortgage, or be able to afford to drink this.

Answers courtesy of about.com - http://cocktails.about.com/library/weekly/aa051500a.htm

So there ya have it. Al-key. That's about as much al-key as I'll get near.

The day decided to finally turn itself off and so had my brain due to excessive amounts of being up late. Friggin Russians!

Now... Should anyone that offered me their kind words yesterday happen to read this I'd like to extend my thanks. For me a kind word means a great deal and I was offered many such acts of kindness yesterday.

Lastly, I'd like to offer up three proverbs for posterity sake...The first is a Japanese proverb I think of often:
"One kind word can warm three winter months."

The second and third I find to be true (for lil ol me). Oh those pesky Germans and perky Sweds.
"Who has never tasted what is bitter does not know what is sweet."

"Those who wish to sing always find a song."

07-14-2004 08:28 pm

Monday, July 12, 2004
Every Dog Will Have His Day?

I originally intended on writing a though piece that delt with harsh realities in my life along with cold feelings that bite and scorn. Were I to do so I feel that I would find my way down a path that leads me far from where I intend to go - forward.

So, instead. I've taken some time away from those thoughts and found a few amazingly positive changes happening in my life. Wonderful and simple changes that may alter the course of my near future as well as the distant. How has this happened? Why? Well, why is always a point of conjecture, but how can be concluded based on fact typically. And I feel as though there are many facts to assist me today.

Emma and I recently had a "war of words" without knowing exactly why. While it would have been easy to let the war continue or to just chalk it up to a facet of our friendship. Instead we began a dialog that didn't erase what had happened, but helped each other to understand why the war had continued and why we felt the way we did. The topic... Bugs, Animals, and Human beings. The night was supposed to be about B5, but instead it turned into a long discussed brain storm of how's and why's. After some time we seemed to reach an understanding about each other's feelings. What was said, or rather what was said to help the situation? I'm sorry to say that is not an easy piece of the puzzle to put into words. To put it plainly, we understand each other's experiences, and we understand each other's inexperience more so that we can begin to understand our points of view. A beginning to an understanding.

The topic shifted to a topic that's been weighing heavily on my mind and heart... Relationships. I sat in a blank stare for a while before I was interrupted by Emma when she asked what I was thinking about. I told her how I felt like the time was up and that the end was not just an end, but in fact THE END to my relationship with None. As the night went on I had a hard time pulling that thought from my mind. But as time does so frequently, my thoughts and feelings were to see a shuffling. Yesterday I had a wonderful conversation with None. How'd it feel? Refreshed? Yes. Scared? Yes. It felt like something. Something... concrete compared to the way things have been over the past two months. We talked about a few things and agreed that we have a lot to talk about. Happily, we reached a conclusion, an agreement, that would provide us with a step forward. We're going to talk again... via 0's and 1's. It's a start and it's what we need.

Avenga... I haven't written about her in some time. I finally pulled her out of the apartment last night to visit Farah in Astoria. We had a great night at a WONDERFUL restaurant (that will hopefully be in business because the customer's were short in number). After that we hung out and just... talked about random fun stuff. I was asked by them both to aid them with a website in their names for promotion. I feel one hand washing the other here. = O Haha. It'll be great if they're on the web so of course I'll help. It'll just take a little time which I need to organize. What'll I ask in return... What would you ask for? I don't think I know what to ask for. I think I'll let them be the decision maker for that question.

Get this. Totally random fun. I've been chatting, not via AIM, not on a chat board but instead by web cam and mic to some very cool people via attractone.com. It's been so much fun. I enjoy talking to people online because it's fun to see how they write, but this, this is so much more. This is so incredibly fun! Violetsky, a CA resident (former New Yorker) and I have chatted twice and had fun laughing at the other chatters and talked about the NY area, since she was from the area. Tonight because hat night which we talked many people into taking part in. Hats all around while people strike poses and flash random objects across their web cams. It's been so much fun. It keeps me up late, but it's so new to me that I think I'll keep playing with the new tech until I fades away. I hope it doesn't though. Web cams are WAY too much fun.

Life is going well. I'm happy. Avenga & None landed lead roles in a featurette and a play respectively which is monumentally fantastic. Trent has another article up for publication in The Humanist and Emma is in great health and will probably be off for Japan in the late months of 2004. Alice, Mike, and Jill will all be married within the next 3 weeks and Kazi will be here soon. All the while Matt is working his way across Canada with his backpack. I've got some ambitious friends within my reach. I only hope I can keep up. Work scares me now that I'm pretty much in charge of things. I've said it to people at work but the feeling is hitting me pretty potently at the moment. 3:30 AM does that to you I guess. I'm scared. I really am. I really need to focus myself. This is, for me, a test. I hope I have the ability to pass.

07-12-2004 03:36 am

Friday, July 09, 2004
Matt's Visit

So the past week I've had the opportunity to hang out with someone I haven't seen since... JAPAN! Matt! The last time I saw him was back in (May, June, or July) 1998. WAITAMINUTE... I lied. We saw each other back in January when I was in the UK in Cambridge. Unfortunately we only had a few hours to hang out. This time... we only had... 10 DAYS!

So one of the first questions Matt had... "What's a Twinkie?" This EXACT same question was asked by Philip and Anri when I was in the UK. WTF Mate?! WTF!? Why don't Britons know about Twinkies? Aren't they in a movie? Hasn't someone brought a Twinkie to the U.K. before? What's going on here? Someone? Anyone? Ah, the people over at the http://www.twinkieproject.com had fun with Twinkies. Check em out. = ) Some of their experiments were lotsa fun.

So Matt was here for a full 10+ days including July 4th. Sadly we couldn't do fireworks because his flight was at 730 the next morning. Happily we did have a grand ol time at Emma's pool. The dog in the water and the flying people that attempted to catch a flying football provided us all with a great deal of entertainment.

Other than that wildly relaxing day Matt and I found our way into the city to visit The Empire State Building and to a concert. The weather was perfect for photos. Sadly Mic(robe) didn't make the trip in with us. But he has made it to Sleepy Hollow with Matt and to SLC. Mic is going to join Matt around the world! Follow his adventure at:


We made it to MA (the cabin), CT (a lunch/dinner mystery cruise), and to random places in NY. The cabin was great, though we found that together, we exceeded the weight capacity for the small jet ski. Matt ended up in the water about 6 times. Once it almost worked but a Sliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight nudge ended up flipping us over about 4 feet from the dock. The cruise... was blah.

It was wonderful to have Matt here. He likes to talk, but he's definitely got a lot to say so be mindful if you ask him any questions. = P In all seriousness I'm so very happy I was able to help Matt out as he begins his world tour. I'm actually very jealous of him. He's going to have so many tales to tell. Smart, lucky bastard. = ) Have a safe trip m'boy. I look forward to reading about your adventures along the way.

I think that about covers it. I'll add more if it comes to me. Z-Land trip time!

07-09-2004 02:39 am

Wednesday, July 07, 2004
To Do's

So many things I need to write. Matt's visit. Various movies I've seen. Random thoughts about my fears, etc. Sadly, as it is 12:37 AM I find myself exhausted because I just uploaded a boatload of pictures onto Matt's site for him. Oh yea, PIX, SO MANY PIX from the past week.

)big breath - big sigh( oh boy

SO much to do. Another night to do it. Work is going to take a lot out of me over the next month (at least) so I'm going to need rest.

More thoughts... later tonight/tomorrow. Mmm, sleepy.

Perk up! That sound? Oh, it's only the sound of your blood hissing from your jugular. Such a beautiful sound. - Lone Wolf and Cub reference. = D

07-07-2004 12:37 am

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