Wednesday, April 28, 2004
Dual Citizenship Opportunities

WOW! Let the fortunes of life keep on keep on movin' on! Not for me though. Emma was just invited to stay with her cousin throughout the summer and into the fall. From there she's thinkin' about the idea of Grad School in the UK since it'll be cheaper there. This would be after some commercial work in a little place called Nippon. FOR-TUNE-ATE INDEED! Happy times on the stressful side of life for a soon to be internationally traveling dually - citizen that is. Totally green, but happy for her just the same.

Ironic timing? Yea, look it up.

04-28-2004 10:55 am

2 Years 2 Weeks

2 Years 2 Weeks... Almost to the minute too. And it took a whole 15 minute conversation to get a huge situation "resolved". It's all an "ish" at the moment I think, but it's probably resolved. Sigh, sigh and BIG BIG friggin sigh. =`(

A Garbage song comes to mind. Most of the lyrics are accurate interestingly enough. Sadly the ending isn't going to be the same for me. I'm not taking anyone home.

Garbage - Drive You Home
It's funny how
Even now
You still support me after all of the things that I've done
You're so good to me
Waiting patiently
And isn't it sad that you still have to ask if I care

I never said I was perfect
But I can take you away

Walk on shells tonight
Can't do right tonight
And you can't say a word
Cause I leap down your throat
So uptight am I

I never said I was perfect
But I can drive you home

I got down on myself
Working too hard
Driving myself to death
Trying to beat out the faults in my head
What a mess I've made
Sure we all make mistakes
But they see me so large
That they think I'm immune to the pain

Walk on shells tonight
Can't do wrong tonight
And you can't say the word cause I need to know...
I'm praying for a miracle
But I won't hold my breath

I never said I was perfect
But can you take me home

04-28-2004 02:48 am

Thursday, April 22, 2004
Perish Opens Tonight

Wow. After all the struggle, stress, worry, etc. it's finally happening. But if I had to Perish Twice opens tonight in front of an audience that will include the writer, the best friend, the shape-shifter. = )

After rehearsal yesterday I felt like the show was ready. "It felt right. This time it would work" Place that quote won'tcha. I'll tell you at the end if you can't now. =p Honestly it was amazing to see. All four actors came alive and thus the script came alive. I was in glee. Absolute glee. I couldn't stop smiling.

So... Tonight it'll open in front of a real house and we'll just have to see how it goes. Worried? Sure. Stoked? Totally.

Answer - The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
But you knew that didn't you. = D

04-22-2004 11:34 am

Wednesday, April 21, 2004
Horrible Dream

At some point this morning I awoke with panic. My mind was racing for a reason and my heart was pleading for help. Once again a fear of mine took shape within a dream - a nuclear fall out.

I was at work when it happened; oddly enough I remember it happening while I was working. We heard some sort of warning sound so I hid underneath a table. Someone looked at me and said why bother Gar? I responded, but only in my head I think saying 'Might as well... this just might help.'

Turns out it may have. The warhead went off and things changed. Almost instantly people started to lose their minds. I know, not the traditional reaction we frail flesh bags have to a nuclear explosion. Some people were incinerated, but others went from okay to mindless to dead within minutes it seemed. I was panicked and had no idea what to do. I recall going home. But of course, home wasn't home.

There were people there. If I try to remember who was there I couldn't tell you but I do remember watching someone I knew 'lose it' during the dream. I wanted to go home to see me mudda but I was told that nobody was being allowed to leave NY.

When I called people all I got was the VM service. It didn't matter if it was in state or out of the state. This frustrated me to no end. Why would the service work where a bomb had gone off but not elsewhere? Techy mind went into error mode because that made NO sense AT ALL. After a bit of logic crashing in my dream I noticed my car was available to me.

For some reason it worked fine so I drove it somewhere. Interestingly I only used first gear which makes NO sense at all. A guy looked at me and said 'better use that gas sparingly.' I acknowledged him and thought 'Well gee thanks for the advice. I'll try to remember that since a bomb just went off earlier.'

Everyone was dying left and right. I was slowly being the sole survivor and found myself feeling alone, lonely, and even more scared. The feeling kept growing and growing until the dream changed and I lost focus of everything.

I woke up remembering all my fear and anxiety only to feel comfort at the cool chill in the air from the outside. I WAS home and everything was okay. I think "Perish Twice" is getting to me subconsciously. Thanks Rahotep. (heavy on the sarcasm please waiter, thanks)

04-21-2004 09:38 am

Sunday, April 18, 2004
I Forgot!

OMG! I just realize I didn't write anything about this yet. OY! Silliness! Actually I only found out Friday that it was confirmed... = )

Ms. None has been accepted by Diznee to continue her tenure with them until, get this, the end of the year. That'll be one full year at Diznee. Talk about an experience. THAT's an experience indeed.

So to the None, again, I say congrats. LINK.

04-18-2004 12:09 am

Saturday, April 17, 2004
Wonderful Weather

Holy holy holy! WOW! What an absolutely awesome day and weekend this is turning out to be. Last night I enjoyed a night alone with a pizza, a DVD full of Buffy (season 4), water, and yes, ice cream. I was FULL! So full I could barely move. Yes I know it wasn't smart to do but I honestly didn't care. It was just nice to have the entire night to myself. Ahhh. What a great nite. Heh. The only noise present around me was the noise I allowed. So nice.

I went to sleep which was about 1230 - OH YEA! 'Getting serious sleep tonight!' I thought. Heh, wrong. My cell did ring a ding dingy at 1ish. None called to say she'd seen Kill Bill Volume 2. She said that she understood why it was a 2 part film. I'm really hesitant about that part of her review, but I'll keep it in mind when I see it - not that I'm in a hurry. She was happy with it but added that it was kinda odd and that a particular EYE BALL scene would interest me. Yes that had me curious. I have my idea what it relates to... of course I'm probably completely wrong. But I do have an idea about it.

I fell back to sleep and awoke to NOTHING at 8am. NOTHING! WTF BODY! I forced myself back to sleep for another hour and a half. Happy me. Up at about 945. Heh. Can't believe I'm about to say this but - WHOOHOO LATE MORNING!

So sad. So sad.

Later in the day I went to tech rehearsal for Night B I think - for the Director One Acts. My tech is tomorrow. Shudder. Things went fairly smooth and I was out of there after 2 hours. Not bad. I shot on home and chilled out with some PC stuff. Upgraded some server stuff and read about other geeky things. Then I went out to have a catch with Emma.

Since the weather is nice I HAD to get outside. Since Emma can throw a ball it seemed like a workable plan. A mother seemed to think her star athlete of a son was in need of time with 'the big kids' and asked if he could join us. He did. He was... a kid. A normal, average, run of the mill kid. Parents and their misperceptions. )shaking head(

Finished up the toss, hung out at the park since it was so nice out. Talked Buffy Vs. Angel - total fan boy geeking out indeed. She has me beat by many many miles on these topics which I'm more than happy to admit. I think the show (Buffy) is fun but it's not something like Spidey to me. Spidey. Heh. Spidey spidey spidey. June 30th!!! Heheheheheheheh. Yea. EX-CITE-ED! Heh. So going to rock.

Oh right, today, I packed up and headed home while she had school things to attend and now I've taken some time to jot it all down. All the while thinking about how to fix the comments issue with the damn apostrophe. Hrmm. Sweet. It's not tomorrow yet so I'm going to post and run... somewhere. = ) And it's STILL amazingly warm out! A pair of shorts with the window open at 12 AM! SUH-WEET!

04-17-2004 11:54 pm

Tuesday, April 13, 2004
Five Years Ago - Chili's

Flash back time baby! Here's the lowdown.

About one month ago my mom received a strange phone call. Some girl she didn't recognize, a name that sounded unfamiliar, and a request to which she couldn't provide assistance. This is the tale of the long misplaced phone number.

"It was some girl with the name Julie something Gar." Mudda was just as confused as I was. Then she elaborated a bit more which cleared up the details. It was a short call but mudda finally said the last name. VOILA! I knew EXACTLY who had called and I laughed.

A month later, after my chuckle session and a full description of what that phone call meant and who this "Julia" was I finally got a chance to dial the digits. It was, well, it was a wild chat.

In five years changes people. Five years can be a long time. Five years, that's pretty much how long it's been since we've spoken to each other. Wow, five years. I was happy to hear that life is treating her well. Engaged, laughing, living, etc. And after all this time she wanted to touch base with me, lil ol me again. Who'da thunk it. I was really touched.

Jules (if you're reading this) I hope you don't mind me quoting you but you wrote some things that forced me to take a step back and appreciate what you wrote.

As I said, so many people have come and gone in my life, some I wish would have stayed, and some that stayed I wish would go:) But I always wished you stayed. I never forgot about you. I always considered myself very lucky to have been able to know you the way I did, even though Chili's was one of the worst experiences, I met you, and that I think was something God gave me, and I'm a jerk for letting it slip away.

What the last line refers to is a message I left on her machine that she never returned. Sadly our friendship faded. I actually had her number on my dresser when I lived in Prospect for two years but never called because, well, I think I felt put off since my last attempt had failed. "Ah well," I thought "at least I tried."

$30 and a phone call later we have the chance to meet up again. The Internet is a most excellent place. Oddly enough she and her friends couldn't find me online. It's not that "Gary Ploski" or "garyploski" or Gary Ploski would find this site. Hell, google even askes if "Gary Plosky" should be "Gary Ploski". Way to go google. You got my back. = )

All I'm trying to say here is... It's great to be in contact with you again Jules. I'm happy that you're life is in as excellent a position as it is and I look forward to hanging out again. Rock. = )

04-13-2004 12:51 am

Monday, April 12, 2004
Work Work and Work

Hoo-ha! The thoughts are just rolling out now. Rock. Last night, not during the dream stuff, or even before the dream stuff I had the chance to speak with Emma about something that's been racking her mind and body - the idea of a future job. HELL is what it is. There are things that suck and there are things that rip up apart inside. In my opinion this is one that grabs hold, rips, and then drops salt into the wound.

Over the past week she'd been preparing for a job interview which she was extremely excited about. Sadly it won't come about due to certain requirements. To those other worker bees out there you know that this can be one of the worst things. Rejection is bad, but disappointment is even worse.

I felt awful for her. She had her hopes up so high but was forced back to the ground only to find her world spinning around her. Everywhere she went she faced the 'what will i do' questions. = Totally sucks.

Happily, I think that there is a light of hope in her future. While we talked a couple ideas came about that's to that novel concept - brainstorming. There is no answer until something is definite but at least there is a light. I think.Yo yo yo Em, I hope it helped.

Speaking of a definite... Ms. None has decided to push forward with Diznee until January. Pending her acceptance of course, this shouldn't be a problem. If all turns out as desired I may be able to see her performing for Diznee. = O Now wouldn't that be a hoot! W3rd.

I feel as though I could keep writing for some reason this AM but I need to stop. Must stop. Stop me. Stop. Damn it, I'm not stopping. How will I stop. AH! I should have just read the Title of this post... WORK! The Mobius Strip strikes again. Dun dun dunnnnn.


Smiles today. Lotsa smiles.

04-12-2004 09:55 am

Pre-Sleep Thought

A couple days ago I was in bed trying to fall asleep. While I lay there I had a thought run through my mind. I thought 'just think it over and over and over. It'll be easy to remember it in the am.'

That's what I thought. I realized this morning at The Lake House with my fam that I didn't remember what I was thinking. I felt sad and wondered what it was that I began to think about the other night. I wished I had finally done something about my pre-sleep thoughts damn it. UGH!

Then it hit me... I DID WRITE IT DOWN! AWESOME! I knew I'd look at it and remember RIGHT away. Interestingly I only looked at it just now at 12:05ish AM. I've been home since 8pm. This was quite odd. Though food, unpacking, Buffy, and an assortment of other things occupied my time earlier.

Well, in hopes of being brief I thought I'd simply write out what I had penned at some unknown hour of the eve/day. So here is the thought that had me sad and happy the other night...

If I shed a tear for all our happy memories
I'd cry all day and night with thoughts of her

To be honest I had to finish up what I wrote because it was SLEEP thinking and couldn't get my brain to finish the thought. So yes I added 'with thoughts of her' because I couldn't stop thinking about the first line. Also, I wrote in the dark so I had no IDEA what I was writing.

I think all my mind was trying to tell me was that I have had wonderful memories with someone and that I cherish those times regardless of anything that has or will happen. = )

Right, so now it's time to get back into the land of Z's. Maybe there's a special and I'll get a 12 hour sleep for the price of a 7 hour sleep. Hmm. Now that WOULD be cool. W3rd. Oyasumi.

04-12-2004 12:23 am

Tuesday, April 06, 2004
The Return to & from PHL - Part II

A week ago I returned from PHL with smiles galore and excessive amount of happiness. This was all because of a vacation I took with my roomie to PHL. During the trip I happened to get a serious head cold. How? Why? Maybe I wasn't sleeping well? Maybe I got sick on the plane? Dunno why, but I know I was. At least a week plus later I'm almost free and clean of the sickness. A happy thought. = )

Another happy note was my vacation. Yes I was sick and yes I spent almost one full day in bed trying to get the cold out of me, and sure the weather was only in the 70's during the day and dropped WAY down in the evening. That really didn't matter. I was in PHL and I was with someone that I wanted to be with.

Upon arrival things weren't all to good because I spent the night in NYC the night before. This, well, this wasn't a desired choice on None's part. For me it wasn't a big deal, but as I just mentioned - my arrival in PHL didn't start off with a bang. Hell I wasn't even sickly yet.

We finally got through the evening and our time together began. What'd we do? We smiled lots, we danced lots, we Dizneed lots. We... lived out the week to it's fullest. The fullest I could live it that is. I was amazed at the brute strength of that head cold. I was popping pills BIG time. I am not a pill popper. No no no no NO, not a pill popper.

So the week carried forth with goodness abound until the last night. A message was read from my phone referring to how far I've come physically because of the gym and the fan was hit with the infamous shite. Dinner was ridiculous - our waiter showed up only to disappear for about 20 minutes. I left because I couldn't handle what was happening with None.

We finally had THE TALK we needed to have. Tears were shed and guards were let down. For me, everything became very clear. I knew how I felt, I knew what I wanted now and going forward. I let it all out. I let it ALL out.

Interestingly we came full circle to my arrival in PHL, emma became the focal point deciding whether or not our relationship would continue. At one point, a defining point for me, it was decided that it was over. I paused. I looked out the open door and then lifted my foot and slowly reached toward the door to lift myself up.

I was stopped. None didn't want to let me go. We spoke more and I finally asked something despite the fact that we're at opposite ends of the country. We both agreed that we wanted to try something we hadn't tried before. A commitment to each other. A no holds barred relationship. An official agreement to date exclusively.

This to me was unprecedented because the last time I uttered such words I was 21 years old. For those of you counting that's nearly 8 years ago. 7 years and about 9 months to be exact. Soon after we were smiling again and ready to face the evening together. Our last night in Diznee - dancing.

I met her friends and danced to music that was less than good. Repetitious rap/dance music that is played out on the radio. It was also SO HOT in the club that the regulars were complaining. I had a good time just being silly and letting myself go. I smiled.

The day of departure was, as I said, happy/sad etc. We knew how each other felt and the future was what lay ahead. It felt good. Again, I smiled. Avenga also smiled for me. It was a great trip to PHL and who knew what lay ahead. That's what we all wondered. Whatever it was didn't really matter to me. I was happy and I felt happy to be something (a boyfriend) and to have something (a girlfriend) I hadn't been in a long time. Heh.

04-06-2004 02:51 pm

Thursday, April 01, 2004
A Leaf

Another short and sweet entry. I've decided, it took a serious amount of time and effort mind you, that I need to flip over the leaf I'm living under to see what other leafs are out there. Why? Well, I'm tired of not being comlpetely happy with my life and myself so if there is anyone that can change that... it's me.

So, this being a prank day normally, I need to say this is no joke. It's time I took control of my life again and seriously enjoyed it. With that I welcome you to a happy land of sweets. Mmmmm, desert anyone? No? Tis oki... BIIIIG DIPPPPER then????? That's right. Hoo-ha!

04-01-2004 09:08 am

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