Friday, October 29, 2004
Drama Drama Drama

Why must everything be drama? I just don't get it!

Haha! Fortunately, everything isn't about drama, but it sure seemed like it today. A meeting with the v ball team, after a very disappointing loss, lasted nearly a full hour. Mama-mia! There were many good things said I think that will gear us up for the next week. The last week of the season. If we win 4 games in a row, as we've done already this season, we'll be walking home, er, driving home, with the first place trophy. I'm pulling for a fourth game! I think they can do it. It'll all depend on how unified they are as a team. Time will tell.

Japan. Oy! My vacation schedule is now all up in the air all while Japan calls to me ñ "Kitte Gyari-san! Haiyaku!" Grumble grumble Nippon. I'll know my plans soon... I hope. Grumble grumble. = D Yea lotsa phone calls though! Got something on hold until 11/11 at 11:59 PM. Will I book the $41.70 ticket? I should know within the next 24 hours! Here we go Kazi! Waitin on your email.

Heat packs are awesome. When a heat pack isn't available, electric heat pads fill in AMAZINGLY! My head ache from my MANY phone calls to AA.com has begun to subside! Yeaaaaaaaaaaaa heat!

Do I believe in ghosts? Well, I believe in a "Ghost in the Shell". I believe "Norton Ghost" has shown itself to MANY techy people. But do I believe in ghosts? Well, no not particularly, but a ghost has shown itself. After many months of silence I've been contacted. For a multitude of reasons I have yet to reply but hope to in the next day or so. Hopefully I'll have a moment. LOL, maybe another late night game ñ 1030pm arrival this eve after the game and the team meeting ñ might random )POOF( happen just like... HA... a ghost. Um, yea, that was bad. Blah, blah, blah, hope to have a few moments after work.

Newzenith.com and Flipmeover.com! Hellz yes! Both are IN HOT pursuit of MORE traffic! I've FULLY updated flipmeover.com to mamboserver.com and incorporated phpbb2. The best part is that people are using it! Have a peek if you're interested and fire out some election thoughts if you so desire a debate! Bwaahahah --> flipmeover.com.

New Zenith is on a slightly different angle of attack. Instead of lil ol me doin all the work... A Board is now in it's early stages of being created! That means I'll get to work with a few people on the site! Email! Etc! Flash looks like the medium of choice. HoooHA!! What a great idea on Ed's part. Ed... You rule! Here's to New Zenith! HAZAAH! HAZAAH!

And now I will collapse onto my tempur with my heat pad and comics close at hand.

Last thought: A Belkin 550VA UPS has been ordered so the wee-server won't disappear during brief power outages! Happy days! Fine-a-ree! Once it is installed I'll post a story on the front page! ROCK!

10-29-2004 12:47 am

Thursday, October 28, 2004
At This Time of Day Titles Mean Nothing

It's late.

I'm tired.

I'm so STOKED with some new pix from this eve and this past weekend. The lunar eclipse was stunning... until the CLOUDS came! I should have bought cloud insurance! Emma and mama had a silent chat about the "size of things" while the clouds invaded the silent and dark park. Ahh... playing with the shutter speed is fun. = D Yea Canon S45! Yippy!

Boston was sweet... and Boston is ROCKING hard core at the moment since the Sox just won the World Series. Hot DIGGITY the celebration must be a blast.

Hmm... So much to write and so many people to contact. All of this and more! Insert big ol'sigh here. None of this is going to happen due to the extremely low level of brain energy. Possibly before the next day starts I'll have a chance to upload some pix and write some REALLY JUICEY stuff. Or I'll just put my nose into a techy book or some comic books. Oh they call to me. The joy, the bliss. They call to the very core of my being... Must listen.

)Pages flip open as fast as Superman can fly to spin the Earth backward! YES! THAT fast!(

10-28-2004 12:50 am

Thursday, October 21, 2004
The AIM Experiment: Part 2

The experiment is over. Effective 10/17/04 at approximately 11:40 PM my s/n - gploski - was unblocked by None. The interesting fact is that this is the ONLY s/n that was removed. The ironic event that led to my awareness of the removal is minimally interesting but should be noted nonetheless. I was on my PC and decided that it was time to brush the toofs. So I went to get the (wonderful) Sonicare. Instead of taking my time I put toothpaste on it and immediately returned to my PC only to see that None was available. I screen captured the page and pasted it into Photoshop and then looked at her on line time.... 5 minutes. Well that didn't make any sense to me at ALL. I watched and waited until I saw the first update to my test window:

BlndBluprNcss signed off at 11:50:50 PM. 10/17/04

Since then the test window has revealed the following:

BlndBluprNcss signed on at 6:45:00 PM. 10/18/04
BlndBluprNcss signed off at 6:50:01 PM. 10/18/04
BlndBluprNcss signed on at 9:57:57 PM. 10/18/04
BlndBluprNcss signed off at 9:59:12 PM. 10/18/04
BlndBluprNcss signed on at 10:25:22 AM. 10/19/04
BlndBluprNcss signed off at 10:30:25 AM. 10/19/04
BlndBluprNcss signed on at 12:17:08 PM. 10/20/04
BlndBluprNcss signed off at 12:17:53 PM. 10/20/04
BlndBluprNcss signed on at 4:56:14 PM. 10/20/04
BlndBluprNcss signed off at 5:44:13 PM. 10/20/04

While the test screen at work with my work s/n has revealed:

That's right... Big Fat Ziperoonie. Nada for those keeping score at home.

Duh. If you're going to do something go all out. Avenga appears to be blocked still, lol, and so, obviously, is emma. So sad that she turned on her promise to "never block" me. Such was her way. I'm willing to bet she had no idea that I was testing for so long. Haha. Ah it's great to know the inner workings of techy toys. Lalalala. 10-21-2004 01:39 am


This week has been a most excellent adventure (with more to go!). Heh.

Monday in class I nailed the lines for a Hamlet monologue "Speak the speech..." It felt great performing it and then working on it with my prof ñ Michael Early. It's such a rush to understand and have the chance to emote Shakespeare with intent and comprehension. I think this is my first return to the Shakes-daddy since Mid-Summer which is FAR FAR FAR (away in a galaxy... err...) from recent. Having the chance to watch others repeat over and over again different monologues has bee fulfilling too. At times we (actors) understand what is said to us (acting notes). But it isn't until we have a moment to really allow it to sink in. This happens more often while watching someone else perform and work a scene or monologue. Heh. I'm stoked that I'll have another chance to perform it ñ in two weeks thanks to October Study Days at SLC.

October Study Days. Ah yes, the strange happening that SLC'rs have come to love. Two days off to "study" and relax. I needed say more. Two days. I have no idea how on Earth that was okay'd by someone... or someones!

Ahhh. Damn it feels good to be a geek (with jock like abilities too). I smile because I can, and because I CRUSHED the v ball today during practice at the team. Yea, it wasn't really fair but hopefully it showed them how fast the balls truly can be since the "fast" balls they haven't reacted to recently have been far from "fast". Tomorrow's... today's game is going to be interesting. Here we go Gryphons!

Live is going really well. "Damn it feels good to be a gangsta."

Emma and I had a really flushed out chat last night which was... blunt and honest without ANY grief, hardship, etc. at ALL! Is it easy to admit things like "I know I'm lonely and XYZ is why I feel this way. I'm glad I know, but it isn't a solution. At least I know though."? Nope. I can say this from the deepest parts of me brain juices. Nope, nope, nope. Does it feel good to get it out in the open? Does it feel good to breath? And bingo was his name-o! Yep, yep, yep!

I feel so free after my dam burst not so many nights ago. Accepting situations for what the are and embracing how I feel about myself and relationships has really put me in a great position of self awareness. ROCK!

With that said, it's time for bed with...

10-21-2004 01:25 am

Friday, October 15, 2004
Proud Assistant Lackey

Simply put I am more than extremely proud of the SLC V ball team. The ladies have come together amazingly well over the past couple weeks. Of course time is limited resource during a season so I hope the team pulls together even more than they've been able to thus far.

It's a tough road to travel but I feel that they're on course for a very fulfilling end of season tourney. Depending on the leadership of the two captains and the effort put in during the next (and last) few weeks of the season I don't think it would be far fetched to put them in the top 3 of the league. They're strong all around which is quite rare in a team - as strange as this may seem to most people. Unless you're in a professional league or a highly highly competitive level of play teams aren't usually well rounded all around. I've got an odd number of fingers crossed and spirits high for them.

I also feel it important to note that I finally feel like a part of the team. For quite some time I've felt like an outsider. With time comes changes and for this bag of flesh it's been a change for the better! Happy flesh bag! Here we go green!

Boom! Boom! Smash!
Boom! Boom! Smash!
Boom! Boom! Smash!

10-15-2004 12:23 am

Wednesday, October 13, 2004
The AIM Experiment: Part 1

I believe I have been able to determine that my screen name has been blocked by None. After careful tests conducted over the past 5 days or so I have not seen her s/n sign on ONCE. Using my previous technique - opening a AIM window with a s/n in it to see if a person signs on/off during the day/eve have revealed... has revealed nothing.

Since it is impossible to prove a negative I am forced to think in other methods and to prove this theory.

My hypothesis is this - It is more likely than not that None has checked her email since I began this test approximately 5 days ago.

Since I have not seen her s/n online, and neither has my Avenga, nor has Emma, I feel I am able to conclude that all of our screen names have been blocked. While this is not provable I will continue the experiment with my work pc and my home pc until next Monday. At that time I believe I will have verifiable proof - the lack of a single sign on/off - that a promise has been broken. The promise to "never block" my "screen name."

And thus concludes the introductory portion of my experiment. A follow up will be posted next week.

10-13-2004 12:10 am

What's That Falling Down Low?

It's here. The fall is here! Happy times!

I've been waiting for the cold to blend in with the leaves and today I felt it. The cold breeze on my face, through my shirt. Ahhh! I love this season. Thanksgiving will be here soon and I'll enjoy my favorite holiday with my fam. This IS the best time of the year. Screw Xmas, what-eva! This is the time of year where people will drive hundreds of miles just to see the leaves changing. This is the time of the year where families eat and drink together without the pressure of the capitalist culture we now live in. This is the time of year, simply, for friends and family! Oh YEA I love this time of year!

Ahhhh, let the cool burst of air brush against my face! Let those leaves fall down on me! It's the best time of the year!



10-13-2004 12:00 am

Wednesday, October 06, 2004
Juice - Addendum

Something I didn't add in my previous post needs to be added... Regret. I don't feel any. Especially for The Door. I said certain things many years ago and know that I wouldn't change a word. I'm not ready for spawns and I still don't know if or when I may want one/any. Humph. It's a monumental relief to feel no sense of regret. Sometimes things work out and sometimes a break is needed. Granted sometimes that break may last years and years and years but hey, it's just a beat in the monologue of life. LOL! OMG "that's pathetic" 'Mark in Rent' LOL, that really is pathetic. Alas. Time to start the day job. >BAMF<

10-06-2004 09:17 am

Juice! No. Well?... Ha, Who Knew?

The past few weeks I've had one of the most unexpected turns I think I could ever have imagined - previous experiences (New Years Eve of 2003/2004) notwithstanding. Actually I probably wouldn't imagine it sf I was offered up a guess. Volleyball has been as much a learning experience as the previously implied topic, work has been a constant 'wow' and everything else decides to tag along for the ride. Why? Nantonaku!

Recently I've been lonely. First I feel that I should define lonely. Webster defines lonely in this way:
lonely - 4. Having a feeling of depression or sadness resulting from the consciousness of being alone; lonesome

The twist to this is that I've been more involved lately than I have been in the past few years. In fact, the last time I was this busy may have been back at Teikyo. We're talking YEARS here clam shells. Why have I been feeling lonely if I'm so involved? That's what I've been trying to figure out. Fortunately I did the other day. How?

The damn broke. The damn broke after a long (read LONG!) Saturday on a bus to and from Bard College. The damn broke with Emma (and Avenga) here to help me through it. I don't think either of them understood what was going on but I finally did during the slow cracks until the eventual eruption. A visual can be obtained in X2 ñ this should be watched anyway so get to it you marbles!

So I found during this shattering that I've felt lonely. After a brief chat with Avenga (the next night) I realized that it's a particular loneliness... companionship. I long for it, yet I know that I couldn't give someone new the emotional investment... NOT! (Sarcasm there kids) Honestly, I don't have the time to give. I'm strapped. It's easy to say ìmake timeî but that's not going to happen. I'm being selfish with my life and have thus condemned myself to a feeling that cuts deep sometimes.

Some particulars of the convo with Avenga made me realize that being there with Emma during this life changing event brought me closer to this lonely feeling. I am fortunate to have been offered the chance to be there for her during such a tumultuous series of events. There is always the thought ìWhat more could I have done?î But I think that's just my own self doubts speaking in me wee grey juices.

Stupid self doubts... You go squish!So where the hell was I... Ah, eff it I'm not going back to read what I already wrote.

Comparing the word lonely to missing is fun! RIF! Webster's defines missing in the following way:
missing - 3. To discover the absence or omission of; to feel the want of; to mourn the loss of; to want

I realized that I'm not missing a someone instead I'm missing a something. This is pertinent because I've had thoughts recently of None and The Door. The Door. Wow, it's been a long time since that name has been written. While I miss the people hidden behind these monikers I am able to see where I fit into their lives. Each has their own lives in the works and I'm sincerely happy for them both. In a sad reflection I believe I missed (boy that word keeps popping up) the boat with The Door, but one particular thing didn't match. A very important thing at that. While with None it's a completely different situation and something inside me tells me she's happier without me than with me. I don't know what makes me think this though. It's onna those, whachacallit... intuition things.

Self doubt... it's a bitch! Grumble Grumble to you self doubt and stuff. Heheheh, fire! fire!

Emma is in my thoughts this evening as she has been for the past many weeks. fortunately today was the conclusion of the build up to her 'event' that will have her looking at the word as only a few are able. She's blown me away with her courage and calm demeanor during what could only be described as, actually it can be described in many ways... Hmm. I'll stick with life altering event. While I was in the hospital she received a bunch of pages and phone calls just to check in with her which is so much more than fantastic. Her friends and family really stepped up to the plate for this. If any of you should happen to read this know that I thank you.

Class has been great. Hamlet's monologues make so much sense to me now! A new light has been cast on my grey squishy stuff by paraphrasing Shake's lines. AMAZING! Also, inserting pauses that's aren't in the sentence but instead because of sentence structure... wow! New doors of realization! Satoris over and over and over! I'm loving this class. I have to memorize one of the monologues for Monday! Heheheh. I'm actually psyched! Learning rulez!

Hmmph. I really enjoy writing out these silly and not so silly and ever so ridiculous thoughts. Sitting here I have a smile on my face thinking of all the people I've written about and various others I haven't had the chance to hang out with much because of time and those I'd like to learn more about. There are just so many amazing people in this world. I can only hope that I'm able to help or even simply be there for those that wish me in their lives. If I were to fail or falter as a friend I don't know how I could live it down.

10-06-2004 01:57 am

Powered by Blogger Blogarama - The Blog Directory Blogwise - blog directory Blogsearchengine.com