You're sitting, waiting, thinking, feeling your heart beat. It takes just a moment to focus and suddenly your entire body feels like it's pulsing. The arms, the stomach, and the neck feel like they've joined the big band that is your heart's beat.
At this moment you don't know if it's best to stay in the moment and let the heart take control of your deepest thoughts... Or is the moment you've been waiting for to move. Is this the catalyst that will drive you from your torpor like state? Somewhere inside a coin is flipping and wobbling about just waiting... waiting... waiting.
It's easy isn't it. To just be. To be without being. Shakes couldn't have written the idea of life more brilliantly in his "To be or not to be" speech. At times it does feel like their is simply too much weight to
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them?
He really knew how to kick someone in the ass to wake them up. Of course Shakes goes on and questions whether it's easier to do die... But I'm not going there within this post.
No, instead I am choosing to breath deep. Tomorrow will be hectic, Orientation 2005 at SLC, and I'm probably going to kick into high gear. Actually, I've been in high gear all week. It feels as if my mind was turned on bright and early, then pushed to 11, or even 13, throughout the day. As day set into night my entire body was ready for a tomb. Multiple nights of 1030 and 1100 yawns and pillow meetings kept me away from other, personal, thoughts. Work became my life this week.
One week out of a entire summer. Not. Bad. At. All.
The moment of anxiety is passed. I choose to embrace the pounding of my heart. It felt heavy and fast, but it felt good. Have you seen the moon at all this week? It's been filling the sky with light and beauty. Have you? It's the little things. The moments that we let slip away too easily. I find myself smiling as I think back to the anxious feeling I had while I was on the ground feeling my body pulse to and fro as my heart beat. Heh - pounded is a better choice of words.
Did you look at the moon? I did, and I know how amazing it was because I held a certain diamond skinned lady in my arms. It was a beautiful moment. The more I think about it, the less tension I feel in my shoulders.
I think it's time. It's that point in the day when I find I should stop writing and start resting. Tomorrow is a big day after all. Oyasumi sky, oyasumi wind, oyasumi mina-san.