Septembet 1997 - Vent
The question of the moment is... What does one do when one is apathetic towards a language?
That is my question 4 the eve? What is 1 2 do? hmmmmm... Im lying down now. well kinda. im leaning/lying on the new chair thing a-ma-bob I have. I feel as if the progress I'm making in school had helped me to establish many things:
- Connecticut kicks ass!
- I like America a little bit. (now im beginning to exagerate)
- I like teaching, but not the same thing 60 times. (im NOT exagerating at all)
- It really is true. AET's really do NOT need to learn how 2 speak Japanese. : ( Its too ez 2 find someone that speaks English. The first graders have an incredible vocabulary! They totally understand my intro. speech.
- I hate feeling like a helpless/hapless person. I'm capable of doing LOTS but it seems/feels like it's near impossible to do things being mute in this language. : |
- I'm going through the emtional roller coaster. While I was looking at the CT book with a teacher today I felt tears beginning to build!!! Not the right place for that to go into full bloom...
- The picture book I've made is fun to look at but is getting more difficult to look at every day. Same goes for the CT book.
- This is going on and on huh.
- I am truely an american. i totally no that i am an american. psycologically, socially, personally, etc... totally noticing it now. Interesting stuff to notice about oneself.
- My typing has gotten really good I'm not looking as i type this... a bonus to add to the list.
- I think life in 50 years will b alot easier for ppl. in JPN to speak with ppl in the english speaking world because of this JET thing. The Japanese GVT. really came up with a good idea when they started this thing 11 years ago.
U probably think I want to come home after reading that stuff. Well it is a thought that enters my mind now and then.... BUT I no that this emotional stuff will pass -- soon I hope. The same goes for the apathy thing. I'm going to continue studying, BUT I no that less will stick into my head with my emotions the way they are now. What does one do? How does 1 step outside of present lifestyle into their familiar lifestyle? Should 1 do such a thing? ....
I'm speaking more Japanese but I'm really not to hip on the social scene right now... : ( The volley ball thing is cool -- the ppl that play every wed. have told me to come back in their best -broken- ENGLISH!! C what i mean. I dont need 2 learn it, and I don't no where 2 start because of it. : | I'm going to keep going and I'm going to keep listening to the t.v. at night and I'm going to keep studying, BUT I need something to happen to show me that im learning the language, like the Katakan and Hiragana stuff.
I do find that I'm understanding more, but I can't respond. It like I'm a radio WITHOUT speakers. Kinda an interesting thing huh. I want SPEAKERS!!! I must sound like I'm whining. I may sound like im venting. I may sound like 'm just emptying my head. Hell I'm doing all the above!!!
Im hurtin. I can't give in though. I HAVE TO BE STRONG -- kaz just called -- Let me get back into my train. It was going due south, pun? maybe. I no I'm going 2 pull out of this but I wish I could c a sign that the lift line is/will be pulling me up slowly....thatd b nice.
I'm wanting to release this stuff inside of me asap!! But -- I just thought of something. The gym -- I cant go to the gym because I haven't ben shown HOW to use the weights!!! rrrrrrrrrrggg ggggghhhhhhhhhh!!! HOY VE can it get any better, Yes. I just realized the books I took out from the libray were due on the 3rd, its the 4th right now - in the eve. opps-e.
I'm tired -- mentally, physically and emotionally. Its almost 9pm here. I have to finish something 4 tomorrow. sooo ill send this then maybe I'll type more after that. thank u for listening. Wanna reply or ask about this?